Many people don’t realize that jealousy is a form of control in a relationship. At first, the object of jealousy may seem like a compliment. In the end, most people realize that jealousy has nothing to do with being complimented and everything to do with control. Let’s take a look at a common example of how jealousy can turn into an obsessive and unhealthy type of relationship.

Take the story of a fictional woman named Susan. Susan meets a nice and caring new man named Steve. Steve showers her with affection, sends her flowers, and shows up unexpectedly at work to take her to lunch. All of Susan’s friends are impressed with her new boyfriend. In fact, they seem a bit jealous of the fact that she has a seemingly chivalrous and romantic new boy. Susan likes him too, though she starts to feel a bit awkward when Steve keeps showing up without warning.

When they start dating, Susan notices that Steve is a bit jealous. For example, you go out to dinner one night when you meet an old friend from high school who turns out to be a man. After chatting with his friend for a few minutes and saying goodbye to him with a quick hug, Steve repeatedly asks Susan about her history with this person. Although she assures him they were just friends, he doesn’t seem to believe her. Despite the fact that it has been more than 15 years since he saw this person, Steve still seems to be focused on his jealousy over the chance encounter.

This is just one example of the jealousy Susan experiences with her new boyfriend. Over time, her jealousy becomes so severe that Susan begins to limit her contact with friends and family. She feels a bit isolated, but she doesn’t want Steve to be jealous. Then she really starts to realize that her jealousy isn’t really a compliment to her. Instead, it is your way of controlling your relationship. If you continue to date him, you are likely to become more and more isolated from friends and maybe even family, due to your continual questions when you see someone.

You can clearly see how jealousy can turn into a very controlling relationship. When someone is jealous, it indicates that they have a self-esteem problem. It really has nothing to do with you as a person. However, staying with a jealous person is likely to make it worse rather than better. Unless they get professional help, the relationship will almost always be unhealthy.