Many of my clients have been complaining of lack of motivation; from not being motivated enough at work, to not being able to diet, quit smoking, or get out of bed in the morning. They want to achieve both positive and negative motivations: positive motivations and being motivations to do something; negative motivations towards NOT doing something (not smoking, for example).

Almost invariably, the method they have tried before (without success) has been to force themselves. This happens through negative self-talk, such as: “Lazy, you’ll never get anywhere”; “you have to do this whether you like it or not”; or “no one will love you until you do.” Sometimes they have tried to bribe or persuade themselves, which works for a while but fails sooner or later. Sometimes they have gotten someone else to push them, such as a motivational group, hypnosis, a parent or a surrogate parent, who will insist that they behave.

This third option works quite well for some people for a long time. However, the nature of this persuasion is to overpower the natural client process, and the people who come to me come because they have rebelled against the authority of that person or group, and find that now they cannot do what they would like. for your rebellion! The truth is that if we believe that someone else is pushing us, we are not likely to respond cooperatively. Especially when the “aggressive person” is oneself!

The fact is that no matter how nasty and angry these people get with themselves, they can’t motivate themselves. Together, my clients and I have had tremendous and verifiable success with these problems, and every client who has worked with me has been able to become motivated, both with “negative motivation” and “positive motivation.” The reason for such success is that creating motivation is easy.

I hold that motivation arises from celebration and appreciation. I like to put it in equation form: celebration + appreciation = motivation

By this I mean that if you can find a way to appreciate yourself for what you’ve already accomplished, and to celebrate your past successes (and believe it, you CAN find a way), you’ll find that you’re “magically” motivated to achieve more. No struggle, no hassle, you achieve for the sheer fun of success! To illustrate what I mean, I will describe two potential employers. The “bad boss” and the “good boss.”

the bad boss

-Operates through intimidation and criticism…

-Always complains; never praise (you only know you’re doing well because the boss doesn’t say anything)

-It gets nasty if you make a mistake.

– Humiliates you in front of others.

-Never think you’ve done enough

-Assume you are lazy and dishonest

-Changes the rules arbitrarily

-Never satisfied or pleased

(get the image?)

the good boss

-Praise often

-Always lets you know when you’re doing it right

-Asks you what you need every time you’ve made a mistake;

-It is very useful

-He cares about your well-being as well as your productivity

-Assume you want to do a good job

-Helps you feel part of the team.

-Treats you like a valuable human being

-You are clear about the duties expected of you.

Both bosses have the same goal: to get the job done. However, there is a big difference in the success of their individual management styles. Think about your likely reaction to the two management styles. The office of the bad boss is characterized by tension and anger. People work just to keep the boss off their backs and consequently waste time when he/she is not around. They are not efficient, because they are not motivated to achieve anything, simply to avoid the wrath of the boss. They are operating in a state of mind we call “adaptation,” which is focused on keeping someone (usually someone angry or unpleasant) off their back.

They have little loyalty to anything but their paychecks, and perhaps each other, as abused inmates are loyal to each other when facing the jailer. Offices that are characterized by inefficiency and disharmony. If this boss requires overtime, he meets resistance.

If you were working for this boss, how would you feel? Would you go to work happy every day? Would you volunteer for an extra job? Would you look forward to each new assignment? Probably not. In short, you wouldn’t feel very motivated, would you?

On the other hand, the employees of the good boss tend to care about themselves and their work. They are proud of their accomplishments and eager to learn more and achieve more. If the boss is gone, the work continues, because people are in a motivated state of mind and feel gratified by their sense of accomplishment. When this boss asks for overtime, he will be met with a cooperative response.

Again, take a moment and imagine yourself in this situation. How would you feel? Would you feel anxious to please this boss? Would you look forward to his reaction to your latest work? Would you be willing to help, if extra work is needed? Chances are you feel excited and motivated, wanting to work every day.

Notice the difference in your energy in the two situations. Which boss would you rather work for? Hopefully it’s as obvious to you as it is to me. I’d prefer the good boss (just the names I’ve chosen for the two styles have probably made it obvious).

In the daily tasks and situations of our lives, we become our own bosses; whether we are aware of it or not. We have the option to choose what kind of boss we want to be for ourselves. If you decide as most of my clients (and myself) have, you will choose to be the good boss for yourself. This means that you learn to treat yourself with kindness and understanding, to be very generous with praise and gentle with corrections. Then you will accomplish your goals with a sense of pride and accomplishment, and a great deal of pleasure. You’ll be motivated and wonder why you never realized how easy it was.

All of this can be achieved through the two “magic motivators”: celebration and appreciation. Most of us know how to appreciate others. However, when it comes to ourselves, we feel embarrassed and uncomfortable if we are too generous with praise.

Years of being told not to brag or be cocky when we were young have taken their toll, and self-appreciation comes uncomfortably. However, if motivation is a desirable trait, then self-esteem becomes necessary and desirable as well. The good news is that you can learn it.

If you would like to learn to appreciate yourself and you find it difficult, I recommend you practice in several ways. Many of my clients have found it fun to buy little gold star stickers (just like in grade school) and reward them for jobs well done or whatever accomplishments they want to celebrate. Pasting the stars on a calendar daily can be very effective. Go ahead, treat yourself to a lot!

There are other types of stickers available. One of my clients rewarded herself for being successful in her eating program with little stickers representing jelly beans, chocolates, and ice cream cones! She got her dessert on praise instead of calories.

In addition, it can be effective in remembering childhood parties and celebrations. One of my clients was told never to make noise because his grandmother was sick. However, he was allowed to play his accordion as hard as he wanted when he practiced. To this day, playing her accordion feels like a celebration and an opportunity for her to sound. Early birthday parties or Christmas outings that were special can also be used for ideas. If Mom always cooked a turkey for a big occasion, or she set the table with the best china, or if she served a bottle of champagne, then those ingredients can indicate celebration and achievement.

Crepe paper streamers, banners, candles, balloons, flowers, special clothing (your fanciest shoes, a new hat), gatherings of friends, trophies, diplomas, and awards can all indicate accomplishments worth celebrating. Try using one or two of these items for times when you want to build motivation.

If you’re nervous on the first day of the new job, celebrate the end of the day with sparkling apple juice or diet cola served in your best champagne flutes and candles on the table. Put some gold stars on your calendar for completing a difficult task. Buy your little girl a trophy engraved with her name for cleaning her room for a whole month.

There is no such thing as too much praise or celebration. Is there too much motivation? Of course not, the more the better. Fresh flowers on the table just to say how much you appreciate yourself can go a long way to make you happy on any day. A new shoddy romance novel can be a great reward or celebration for reading the required technical books.

The important point is that celebrating what you have already achieved will create the motivation to achieve more.

Be creative with your celebrations, have fun. Celebrate a treasured friendship with an impromptu lunchtime picnic and a balloon. Above all, have fun. That’s the goal!

If you meet someone who takes charge and tells you what you should be doing, or comments without being asked how you’re doing things wrong, or designates himself as the boss in your life, you may find your motivation. newly created. loose. Remember to fire them as your boss. It’s YOUR life, and you’re doing what you’re doing because you WANT to. You don’t need to give anyone a better reason than yourself.

Once you’ve fired this self-proclaimed boss, you may need to remind yourself how much you’ve accomplished without that kind of help. Celebrate your independence, your spirit, your willingness to be responsible for yourself.

It is also possible to configure informative books, articles, television authorities, gurus, etc. as your boss, in which case, you’ll again find your motivation flagging. These informational aids can be helpful, but only if you keep them in perspective.

Remember, the boss gets input on how to run things, gets educated, gets help when needed, BUT the boss is still in charge. The information is there for your use, but no expert (no, not even a therapist) can tell if the information is right for you.

If you remember who is the boss, then you will use the information with wisdom and criteria, rejecting everything that does not go with your style or personality. You will use it to support and promote your goals, and to help celebrate your achievements.

Whenever you find your motivation flagging, look around to see how you’re doing as your boss. Are you using a motivating and supportive style? Have you let someone else take over your authority? Is there any appreciation you need?

Take a few minutes with yourself every day just to appreciate it. It’s easy, fun and very effective. Imagine living every day with energy and motivation!