There may be some resentment when you pleaded with your husband not to seek separation, and in the end, it turned out that you were right. I admit that many estranged wives grudgingly fantasize about her husband coming back and admitting it was a mistake to break up in the first place. Very few of us have this fantasy come true. But those who do may wonder how to handle it. Because it can be tempting to want to teach your husband a lesson. After all, you told him that breaking up was a mistake, but he refused to listen and pushed you anyway. He has now upset his family and has gone through an avoidable and painful experience. Shouldn’t you be aware of this? And how should she respond when her estranged husband comes crawling back?

A wife might say, “I begged my husband not to move. I honestly spent weeks trying to convince him that breaking up was a mistake. My husband is the type of person who tends to think that the grass is always greener somewhere else.” place. I “knew I was romanticizing the breakup. And he knew that reality was not going to be what he wanted. He also knew that he was greatly exaggerating our problems. Yes, things have changed between us, but it seemed very premature to just break up before we tried to work things out. I presented all these facts to her over and over again, emphasizing that I was still committed to our marriage. And yet, nothing He seemed to care about this. He moved out anyway. And then about four weeks later, he called me and confessed that I was right and that it was a mistake to break up. He basically said that he made his point, that he sees that he’s not happy. without me, and that he is now ready to come home My initial reaction is either to be picked up or to gloat I can’t get over how much I begged him to stay and how he almost ignored me I have considered telling him I’m not ready for him to come home just to teach him a lesson. He needs to take decisions more seriously, especially when they affect people other than himself. Some of my friends say that I should give him a pass for the sake of my marriage, but I hate that i dea. It’s like he can decide our fate on a whim and then change his mind, while I just have to go with the flow. His decision broke my heart and I want him to see it. I want him to learn his lesson.”

I completely understand where you come from. I, too, felt some resentment at my husband’s decision to move away from me. Unfortunately, I never had the luxury of him begging me to come back, so I can’t say how I could have handled it. Since it looked like we might get a divorce, he probably would have accepted it any way he could get it. I was desperate to save my marriage. And for a while, it seemed like this just wouldn’t be possible.

I realized that while it is very tempting to keep score, doing so really does not serve you or your marriage. It just reinforces wounds and hurt feelings, while damaging an already fragile marriage. There’s nothing to say you can’t share your frustration over lost time, but I wouldn’t throw salt on the wound or risk your reconciliation just to make a point. You want to think about the long-term implications of whatever you’re doing. You’ll also want to make sure your husband doesn’t rush into a decision out of emotions.

That’s why I would suggest responding with something like this: “I’m relieved that you found out that the grass wasn’t greener outside of our marriage. But I also know that you were so unhappy before that I couldn’t convince you.” let it stay That’s why I think it would be better for us to make it easier for you to return home. Why don’t we start with him staying here on the weekends? That way, we can see how things are going and not make another abrupt decision.”

This answer does a lot of things for you. It means that her husband will see what it feels like to abide by someone else’s decision. She won’t be able to come home immediately, as she has requested. But better than that, it means you’re not rushing into anything. And if her husband returns home to find old problems resurfacing, he will have time to make some adjustments, as he will gradually move out. The last thing you want is for him to abruptly move again and then be unhappy again. That’s why it’s better for both of you to relax again. This way, you could think twice the next time he wants to make a rash decision. He will definitely learn a lesson. And you won’t jeopardize your reconciliation.