Chloe and theodore

Almost two years ago we adopted a brother and sister, Chloe and Theodore. Their parents are no longer in their lives. The Fair Lady and I are now the only parents they have. I remember when we first brought them home, they were kept to themselves and barely left their room.

It was several days before they felt comfortable enough to venture out and familiarize themselves with their new home. Sometimes their behavior could be considered independent at best and downright rude at worst. I wish they were more obedient. How they see when you call them but I have learned

“They only respond when it’s their idea.”

Like most children, they come to us when they are hungry or decide they want our attention, but again that is when they decide to do so. Despite everything we’ve done for them, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day came and went for them like any other day. Just a little acknowledgment and appreciation would be nice.

Next month will mark two years since we adopted our two adorable tabby cats: Chloe and Theodore. Chloe is a stylish mix of gray and black. Theodore is a majestic golden color. I grew up as a dog owner, but have come to love my tabby cats despite the occasional nasty hairballs, cat hairs on our clothes, and random sibling fights at all hours of the day and night. I think their behaviors are fascinating and their unpredictability adds an element of excitement to our home.

Stepparent dissatisfaction

I have heard protests from stepparents about rude and disrespectful stepchildren. I have heard complaints about their enabling and overly permissive parenting from their spouses. I have become intimately acquainted with painful details with all the flaws, character flaws, and misdeeds of their spouses and stepchildren.

I fully agree with stepparents on how much things would improve within their combined families if their children were more respectful and accepting. How their relationship wouldn’t be a jaw-clenched labor of love if their spouses weren’t more empowering and more authoritative with their children. While these changes would certainly improve the dynamics within their blended families, neither the stepfather nor I can impose or force changes on them.

It has to be your idea

Like my tabby cats, your wife and stepchildren will only change when it’s their idea. Your insistence that they change to meet your expectations is actually interfering with your ability to change. As long as it’s your idea, it can’t be theirs. You must put aside your expectations to allow them to accept the changes in their life as their idea. Understanding and accepting this fact will bring a new level of peace and serenity to your life.

Change yourself

Rather than focus on the flaws of your combined family, which you are absolutely powerless to change, if I may dare say, focus on your own flaws, sins, and character flaws – after all, that’s the only thing you have true about. control. Your example in addressing your own shortcomings can serve as the catalyst that will motivate the changes you want within your combined family members.